Afterthoughts of My Very First Leg Injury.

So I've hurt my knee. Not broken it, bruised it or slammed it or anything. As in alot of emotional teenagares; it's internal. I'm not sure what's happened since the pains are chiseling my knees when I least expect it. Somehow it feels like the pains show up when I least want it too. Of course this has huge concequences on me and my well being. It might be a tendon rip a muscle tear, jumper's knee or something. The only thing I know for certain, is that I don't like it.

It jeopardises alot of stuff for me, my duties in the army, my skateboarding, and of course general physical articulation (since I can't stretch my knees out properly). Hopefully it will fully heal during the vacation, so I can get to work on my path to total rippage.

This was a pretty pointless post.

Fuck off and die

Every Human Being Is An Egoist

One day, I had a discussion with a friend of mine asked me the following question "Tell me ONE thing you've done that's not selfish". The answer should've been easy, heck! It was not easy at all, in fact I threw in the towel and said "I have never done a thing that is not selfish". Why is that? Because I always want something returned for the things I do. Not necessarily in a materialistic way, but in things like self realization, benefits, karma, and good reputation. All my life, I haven't done an act of kindness without a selfish thought hidden in the back of my brain. It's logical when you think about it, really. I'm a person who don't want to be left unrecognized for a grand act. I am quick to remark when I've done a thing people admire. Fishing for compliments? Absolutely. Do kind things to be considered kind? Do I even have to answer that question? In fact, I've never EVER met a person who isn't entirely selfless.

Peace out.

I Hate Birthdays

Yup I'm serious, I hate birthdays... It's the most hypocritical date you'll experience in your lifetime... Especially if you have fucking "Fakefriendsbook", with the plastic wallposts popping up celebrating your next step towards the grave, with their smileys for that added flair. Why do I hate birthdays? Simple! You might think to yourself: That's the date that shows you who your real friends are. Well, fact is that your real friends are those who actually stick around AFTER your birthday... Somehow, I've got this creeping feeling that there won't be THAT many after my birthday... That's all, eat shit and die.

Chaos Theory.

I'm a person that thinks alot, people either say I think too much, or speaks too complicated/poetic. Bullshit! Most likely they're only trying to close the conversation and move on... Anyway, that brings us to the matter of my post. Chaos theory... I'm not an artisan in this subject, but of what I've grasped it's about something as random as just being present in certain place, may cause complications in aerodynamics and even result in something as grievous as a hurricane.

As I see it, the butterfly effect (as it is so subtlely named) is a subject I think alot about. That one act may cause an event. Which can be translated and put in different planes of dimension... Not only the physical plane, but also the psychological or even the subconscious plane. A simple thing as saying "hi" can save a life, a rumour may even cause a girl pregnant in her head.

Fact is, whatever you say, may come back to you in ways unimaginable, and of such great proportion it may knock you off your saddle. If you insult a person it's not only an insult, it's a possible change in pattern of how you, or even he will undergo after said event. In which makes living as complicated as the most intricate mathematical equation.

In my opinion it's almost a more structured explanation of karma. Voltaire once said "Every man is guilty for the good things he never did", in which explains alot of things. As I see it: karma isn't about being overly kind, it's about being a good person when it really counts. I'm not talking about fake sympathy or being overly giving. I'm talking about breaking a fight, speaking to a person that is in need of advice or just simply wants to socialize.

Any given act will again unlock a series of events in your life. These events are unimaginable, but you know there will happen something. May it be a grateful gesture, or even admiration. You can see what's happening already, with global warming. Hurricanes, tsunamis, high school shootings, conflicts and such. It's a strange world we live in... And to be honest: Real Life is the worst game ever made... It's made too complicated.

The Maintenance.

Three posts in one day, sheesh. Either I'm just too lazy to do something useful, OR I'm darn prolific. Anyway, I think I'll brainstorm an issue I've always been having problems with: Uncertainty. I guess I'm not the only one thinking about if you did this and that instead of the other thing you did on the flipside, while the other guy was doing his thing. Another event would've occurred. However, if you're one of those guys who believes in destiny (I believe in the horoscope of the local newspaper, so I'm not gonna point any fingers on this issue), you can stop reading right here on this part of the post. On the other hand, if you're a guy who's thinking if I did this and that, on that day a thing would've turned out different (for better or for worse). I actually like that thought, makes time travel more intrigueing. That was possibility, not uncertainty though...

Uncertainty on the other hand is a strange device created to supress expectation. When you see a pretty girl/man/random thing (put whatever you're interested in right here). You get a load thoughts amassing in your grey matter. Some of course are the shallow ones like "Darn, (he/she/it/whatever) is (hot/pretty/sexy/doable)" and gets surprisingly amazed by the true vision of pure beauty unfolding before your very eyes, and want to be part of that persons life. Of course, you can also be a kind of person that goes "wow", then shrugs and mind your own business afterwards.

Either way, this is where the uncertainties shows up, while you're in rapture from beholding this being of divine beauty you're stuck with certain "speedbumps" that fucks with your head, cooling your cock, makes you hesitate, and also makes you stop and think like "why should I even bother contacting that person" or "that person is most likely a douchebag, which I want to just cut open". That's where uncertainty comes in.

I'm a bit rash right now, I know. That's because I chose a very dumb perspective to attack this issue from. But I'll stick to this for now. If you've ever fallen in love with a person, and also taken a step further with a certain someone, expectations and uncertainty will collide with each other. Prove me wrong, I dare you, I double dare you even. Because if you are like me, you've already drawn a map on how this person is, how he/she interacts and stuff like that. Expectations are wonderful that way, it makes you think only positive thoughts about the person. And can actually appreciate the being for what he/she is.

Enter uncertainty, this creeping shadow that haunts you when you've drawn the map of the person. Then you find the alleys of the map. The scarier things, the things you don't want to know about the person. Uncertainty drives you to do stuff it makes you think there's more to this person. It makes you research, check profiles on the internet, discover friends... Discover that that person has more friends than you do. And you'll feel socially inferior to the person. Making even more uncertain, it's a darn vicious circle. Then you discover that the interests are maybe not in wavelength with him/her. Thinking "Dammit, I hate that band". And "I just realized I don't love you anymore because what I saw that split second on the internet profile", "Dammit, he/she's an attention whore" and stuff like that. That's uncertainty.

I've had my shares of uncertainties all of my life, and yes they have taken part in the ruination of a relationship or two. And then the clash between expectations and uncertainty , and you have this Frankenstein's monster coming outta your head and through your mouth. These will show up when the argument is raging on. An example of this is "I don't know you anymore", "I thought you were this and that", "you've changed". That's what it all ends up with, and that's one of my reasons relationships goes under. When you let the uncertainties kill your love life, and let you have nothing left, but a skinmag, and some fresh towels. Trust me, balance is important... Don't let uncertainty kill expectation.

Luckily there's a buffer known as acceptance, some of us hold this feature. Acceptance is the part of you that can actually manage to merge both expectations and uncertainty. Acceptance is the part of the relationship known as love. Ladies and gentlemen, true love is the ability to accept the fact that you'll most likely never find a person that's entirely like you are, who dress up like and walks the way you do. When you can truly accept that he/she's not perfect, just like you. Expectations and Uncertainties can actually work together. So what if that guy has a pimple on his cheek, or that girl has a mole on her breast, you should still be able to find that person lovable.

Start to stack up on the good stuff, unless you want to end up with heartaches. And awkward moments when you see your ex. And most of all evading the regret. Remember to think back. What did I do wrong? This is only a theory though, and you shouldn't think so much over it. It's only a garbage disposal of thoughts anyway. But that doesn't mean I'm not open for a discussion.

Stars

If you just bother to look up once in a while you'll see these, they are known as stars. And they are actually darn neat. When I was a younger lad, I remember I used to just go outside and behold these stars. Just step outside on the porch, take a few steps in the courtyard (with or without shoes). And then look up, to either behold clouds covering up the myriad of twinkling white dots all over the sky, a nice balance between clouds, stars and the moon, or a sky not corrupted by the flying pillows of gas that is floating around in our atmosphere. It's kinda neat to think what these things might have inspired in great men in the olden days. Like made people explore, write, stuff like that. I just wanted to point that out. G'night.

My first post.

So I've finally given in to the maddening urge of making a blog, my old friend Smallhausen suggested I should do so.

So here it goes, my first blog. I guess this could be a sort of self improvement thing. Or maybe self-therapy.

Either way, it goes for the same, if you bend or twist. Anyway, this is gonna be the place where I dump my excessive thoughts about life, random rantings about how sucky my life is (even if it ain't, I'm just whiny and "sensitive"). And maybe some stuff about things I really enjoy.

So until I actually can come up with something to say, about the state I'm in, good day...